December 07th, 2013
Distorted news accounts:
Lost cats found in freezer:
Freezer owner might sue newspaper over this story because he believes if the cats were found they weren’t lost. The owner of the freezer also states that if the cats were smart enough to open the freezer door to get in there then they were smart enough to reopen the door to get out.
He is absolutely mystified as to why the frozen cats wanted to sleep in the freezer in the first place. “I’m going to put a padlock on the freezer to keep other cats from sleeping in there,” Claus Putwyn said firmly.
A cat whisperer was called in but the cats seemed uncooperative and wouldn’t voluntarily leave the freezer.
The Maytag Repairman is investigating.
Auto mechanics caught wearing surgical gloves:
Many auto mechanics are wearing surgical gloves these days but not necessarily so that they might help passing pregnant women to give birth as was the case in days gone by but they wear the gloves now in all emergency circumstances including oil changes because their wives don’t like dirty fingernails; though the older mechanics can still deliver babies if necessary.
Other job descriptions considering mandating the wearing of surgical gloves are as follows, though not limited to: newspaper editors, teachers, panhandlers, Yellowstone tour guides, Maine lobstermen, hairstylists, bartenders, proctologists of course, and guests on Red Eye and Crossfire, etc.
If your wife was at the Alamo do you believe that the Mexicans would have lost that one to the Texans? If so raise your hand.
Please give to the American Red Cross of Maine, 2401 Congress St., Portland, ME, 04102 1-207-874-1192
Looking for work as cartoonist, essayist, humor writer, comedy writer, feature writer, will go anywhere on assignment, sunny disposition, I take criticism well, can tie my own shoes, fit well in any environment, love working with editors, please contact Kevin O'Kendley this website or email@example.com. Thank you for your time. - Kevin
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Kevin O'Kendley is the owner of Carbuncle Moon, and the author of all original material -- cartoons, blogs, shorts, essays, articles -- on the website (there has been a very limited editorial input in some of my work). All quoted sources are noted. I am responsible for all posts. The only blogs not time-dated are those advertising nonprofits. All nonprofits are vetted, investigated, though after the summer of 2018 my vetting has lapsed: (6/1/21).
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