The following news is not from the BBC:

While Putin and The Seven Putineers were haggling in a sauna over the mechanics of the "free elections" in The Crimea -- or the positioning of occupying Russian troops and war materiel -- a passing Ukrainian moil reportedly cut off all the hoodies on their track suits, which were hanging out in the hallway.  Enraged, the naked Putin reportedly threw his swagger stick down and lamented: "проклятия, circumcised by a Ukrainian." 




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Bogus rumors emanating from the Republic of Ireland are that Irish Special Forces are considering liberating ethnic Irish by special elections in worldwide trouble spots or erogenous zones, though not limited to the following countries: the United States, Belgium, Chili, Japan, Australia, Nigeria, Cambodia, Russia, the United Kingdom, France, Finland, Papua New Guinea, and Texas (please see the United Nations membership for a complete list of potential territorial conquests or countries wherein the ethnic Irish are contained).

Jaye Edgar Hoover has pointed to several key groups of possible sympathizers in the United States that might act as allies on March 17th (St. Patrick's Day) to the alleged liberation of the ethnic Irish: McSorley's Alehouse (NYC), President Obama, the Kelly File, the Boston Celtics, the NAACP, CBS, the Rocky Mountains, La Raza, the Professional Bowler's Association, Candy Crowley, Paddy Murphy's (Bangor, Maine), San Francisco, and most of the Carney family in California.

Be careful: the Irish may look just like you and me...

With Putin’s moral imperative to free The Crimea predicated on there being a large number of ethnic Russians living in this ancient land -- which throughout all occupations, empires, Soviet gifts, collection of ethnicities (human beings), and historical shifts has been Crimea and an integral part (for app. 60 years) of The Ukraine, a sovereign nation -- the ethnic Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Anglo, Japanese, Portuguese, Swedish, etc., farmers of Yolo County should be warned that West Sacramento (California) could be next given the large number of ethnic Russians that live there.  Russian-Americans live in West Sac for simple and complex personal and often society-enriching reasons, though not least because of this: to get away from Putin and his gang of Putineers.      

Hey, Yolo County farmers: you can kiss your access to the Sacramento River goodbye if Putin’s logic is manifested globally.