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As if she had read his mind -- and she very well could have -- she nearly sucked up her entire face into a testicle-shriveling lemon-pucker kissy-mouth. But, suddenly she planted a Grinch-like smile on her pan as if she didn’t have a care in the world, then she leaned forward with a sort of serpentine slink across the table -- B.J. swore her neck was about two feet long at this point and growing like a Slinky -- and she hissed, “You, you, you trailer trash.”
He thought about that for a second, then he looked her right in the eyes -- he saw an inhuman narrowing and sudden expansion of the pupils in the form of a triangle -- and he said real low, “Wow, I sure wish I had a trailer,” and he did too. His one-room hotel room was a real dump and he had hookers and pimps outside on the corner all night long making gaawwwd-awful noises. A few times he threw coffee mugs at them from his third story window but that got to be fairly expensive, and, uh, hell he didn’t have a job at the time. Excerpt from The Eternal Optimist by Kevin O'Kendley It was Sister Philomena that gave me some of the inside dope on childbirth. For instance (you’ll never believe this one), she told me that Uterus isn’t a planet in our solar system Uranus is. Uranus? I howled at that and so did the nuns. I can’t even write Uranus with a straight face:
Ha ha. Uranus? C’mon. The nuns were very friendly. Sister Philomena had some dice in a little change purse dangling from her rosary beads, so we played craps in a back chapel. The ladies took four weeks’ pay from me. Sister gave me two shots of Jim Beam even though I’m a Jack Daniels man. The ladies were very attractive in their uniforms I must admit, and I wondered if any of the expecting fathers ever hit on the nuns even though the women could well have been devout Catholics. And, of course, the mothers were having babies in the next room, screaming, yelling, and cussing like longshoremen “as the tortured vessels of a man’s animalistic lust.” excerpt from: The Birth of Her Caitness by Kevin O'Kendley |
Kevin O'Kendley is the owner of Carbuncle Moon, and the author of all original material -- cartoons, blogs, shorts, essays, articles -- on the website. All quoted sources are noted. I am responsible for all posts. The only blogs not time-dated are those advertising nonprofits. All nonprofits were vetted, investigated, though the summer of 2018. The vetting lapsed in some cases afterwards or until the last blog on May, 31, 2021.
Kevin O'Kendley: [email protected]. Technical help was provided by a computer genius, my son, Conor O'Kendley. Photography was provided by a visual artist, my daughter, Caitlin O'Kendley. If your nonprofit is advertised on this site and you wish to have it removed please contact me at the above listed email address or use the contact form on the website. If you download a blog, cartoon, a short story -- or for any other reason -- and wish to donate $ to this site, its author and technical support personnel, please send donations payable to Kevin O'Kendley, 499 Broadway #138, Bangor, Maine 04401. My family and I could use the dinero. All cartoons, blogs, and short stories are for sale. Categories |
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