"The lady was so sour that two seconds after lookin at a bunch of grapes she begat those raisins."
"Sidebar or interesting made-up folklore not in evidence:
"Hitler had a full mustache, which he whittled away, first on one side of the nose then the other trying to create precise order, or exact Nazi uniformity of lip hair on each side of said nose (schnozzle in Yiddish). He repeatedly failed at regimented order until he had just a tiny little maniacal mustache left, but equal in length on each side from the center of his nose (schnozz in Brooklynese).
"Electing to maintain this atrocious order instead of growing a better, luxuriant, and more evolved mustache Hitler re-trimmed said affectation and social blunder in the same manner ever afterwards, calling it perfect. Of course, even though all of his Nazi sycophants told him he had a Homeric mustache you’ll notice not one of them copied his mustache, not even Herman Goering and he wore jodhpurs and a man-bra.
"Hitler used to wear a lot of Aran sweaters, too, from Aran Island off the coast of Ireland, because he thought the Irish couldn’t spell Aryan correctly (a real smart Irish businesswoman told him that). Though -- back in real life -- Iran (the actual country),
meant even then as it does now: The Place of the Aryans. So, Hitler didn’t know what the hell he was talking about when he claimed that the Teutonic/Germanic tribes of ancient lore were Aryan -- he even got the swastika backwards, except when he accidentally wore his swastika-stamped underwear inside out, which Eva Braun mused was 'quite often, the silly little Nazi turnip.'
"When Hitler finally committed suicide he had given up completely on evening-up his mustache on each side of his nose (schnozzle in Yiddish) and was clean shaven."
- from a book review by Kevin O'Kendley: The Garden of the Beasts by Eric Larsen.
Charges of sexual misbehavior, or poor judgment in the commission of secure duties, have been made against presidential candidates, true or false, honorably raised or otherwise, are allegations -- hard evidence and honest testimony promote accurate journalism -- but due process (with a mantra of being innocent until proven guilty) is the vehicle of justice used in this free society to determine guilt, punishment, sentencing...
Happy Nevada and South Dakota Statehood Day (Please see Joe, Al, and Bob, The Three Almost Wise Men, in the short story section).
Please support the National Holocaust Museum/ 100 Raoul Wallenberg Place SW/ Washington DC 20024/ 202-488-0400
Live and let live...
Please support the Southern Poverty Law Center, 400 Washington Avenue, Montgomery, Alabama, 36104/ 888-414-7752
As of April, 2016:
All but five states had signed the Driver’s Licenses Compact, a pact that provides for the interstate rule of law governing driving offenses. Under state and U.S. laws a driver’s license is a privilege and not a right however by this compact California cannot revoke, suspend, or mitigate an out-of-state driver's license until an accused license holder, via due process, has been convicted of dui or other offenses; and the issuing state cannot do so either. That is, unlike a person with a California driver’s license, until a guilty verdict is delivered the defendant’s driver’s license cannot be impinged, confiscated, or suspended as there has been no proven crime. The same is true in the 45 other states that are signees of the compact.
It is possible that some law enforcement officials in California, Maine, Colorado, or elsewhere do not know this. – sources: various/ & California attorneys: Ms. Debra Hinshaw-Vierra and Ms. Jessica Graves (related legal material)…
Please give to the March of Dimes/ Donor Service Center/ P.O. Box 89723/ Topeka, Kansas 66608/ 785-228-0084
After unsuccessfully trying to pitch his tent in a tough neighborhood in New Jersey in 2009, Gadhafy, Khaddafy, Qadify, uh -- Mu Mu -- appeared at the U.N. with what appeared to be a rubber nose -- C.I.A. studies claimed that the Colonel was in the advanced throes of Syphilitic Dementia and his real nose had decomposed. While Mu Mu ranted and raved on TV, Libyans (and the Irish) thought that His Excellency’s nose might fall off and bounce all over the General Assembly like a Super Ball.
Experts in Kansas City speculated that while Mu Mu could have earned his venereal disease from a real sheep, a few of the guys in Congress -- immaculate in their
purity -- likely got theirs from a toilet seat, though sadly the end result was the same for all despots -- absolute lunacy.
Please give to the Alzheimer's Foundation of America: 322 8th Avenue, 7th Floor/ New York, New York 10001/ 866-828-8484
"Uh, yeah, so I was explaining to my daughter the Rules of the Road. I spotted and so I pointed out to her an older woman on a moped, ah, a Vespa -- the bike's a Vespa not the lady. I told my daughter, “Be careful: moped riders have been known to track down and pulverize or even kill anyone that dings or dents their bikes. So, if you have a fender bender with a Vespa driver -- whether you want to or not -- you have to do all you can do to finish the moped driver off or they’ll get you. I keep a jar of leeches, a monkey wrench from Macedonia, and a speech on liberty, freedom, and human rights by ISIS on the end of a javelin in case I need it.”
Please give to the Shriner's Hospitals: 3551 North Broad Street/ Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19140/ 215-430-4000/ and:
2425 Stockton Boulevard/ Sacramento, California 95817/ 916-453-2000
"Socio-political international advertising slogans can be effective too: A couple of our best slogans during the Cold War aimed at the Soviets were acts of genius: 'better dead than red' and the 'Soviets are peckerheads.'
However, as our world has become smaller and more civilized and advertising more advanced one of the few anomalies left within the formula of 'selling' a regular 'consumer' the lesser of two evils is in politics. For instance: you might vote for someone because she or he is not as bad as the next guy but you won’t drink a soda pop for the same reason --
"Not unless you’re a dumb shit." - from Dangerfield's Drum by Kevin O'Kendley
"You can’t have a free society unless it is a just society; you can’t have a just society unless you make it so, and it can’t be so without inviolate human rights."
Please give to the U.S.M.C. Toys For Tots: 18251 Quantico Gateway Drive/ Triangle, Virginia, 22172/ 703-640-9433
"Go have a cackle party, Dolly. We can roast chestnuts in your furnace of guffaws. Thank God I don’t like chestnuts and I don’t know what a furnace is."
Please give to the Refugee Resettlement Program, Catholic Charities: 851 West Lake Street, Suite 500/ Chicago, Illinois 60661/ 312-655-7856
"When freedom is intellectualized it can be mitigated by intellectual method, made less, and less, and less, and less… When understood by the heart, freedom is inviolable."
Please give to the Children's Leukemia Research Association: PMB 369 Donation Center/ 6632 Telegraph Road/ Bloomfield, Michigan 48301 and:
585 Stewart Avenue #18/ Garden City, New York 11530/ 516-222-1944
"About last October Clause's back fur was thickening in anticipation of winter, but he went to Florida, where he shed like crazy. Hell, he was almost hairless and, uh, nearly froze to death when he got back to Maine in December. As a good father, I used this experience to educate my daughter: “Watch out for this regional translation difficulty,” I told her, “make sure you gotta a good heater in the truck when you're datin anyone just back from Florida.”
Please give to the Diabetes, Endocrine, and Nutritional Center, Eastern Maine Medical Center: 905 Union Street/ Bangor, Maine 04401/ 207-973-7334
A carbuncle is a roiled mass of skin or a beautiful gem. The incredible gem is pictured in the logo below and at the bottom of the short story section...
Kevin O'Kendley is the owner of Carbuncle Moon, and the author of all original material -- cartoons, blogs, shorts, essays, articles -- on the website (there has been a very limited editorial input in some of my work). Quoted sources are noted. I am responsible for all posts.
Kevin O'Kendley: P.O. Box 172, Winterport, Maine, 04496, and 200 P Street, A-32, Sacramento, California, 95814, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Technical help is provided by an evolving computer genius, my son, Conor O'Kendley: A good kid with a great heart who can be reached at P.O. Box 172, Winterport, Maine, 04496. (Conor is in the Navy now, a swabby)
Photography provided by a visual artist, my daughter, Caitlin O'Kendley: a young woman with a beautiful soul. (Caitlin is in college now, a media-journalism student)
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