“I was in a motel in Reno and, er, the Thought Police were spyin on me. So, just for fun I took a jar of scaldin hot jalapenos out of the refrigerator and, ah, pretended to rub the juice into my groin or my genital area while I said this: ‘Jalapeno juice is the best treatment on earth for genital crabs -- clears them up overnight.’ The next day, I identified three of the bad guys all the way up the block and, uh, across the street because they were doddering like ancient bow-legged cowboys with forty-pound testicles. They were movin so slow they were quickly passed on the sidewalk by a couple old ladies usin walkers. The pain must have been horrible -- ha ha.”
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