Sidebar or interesting made-up folklore not in evidence:
Hitler had a full mustache, which he whittled away, first on one side of the nose then the other trying to create precise order, or exact Nazi uniformity of lip hair on each side of said nose (schnozz in Yiddish). He repeatedly failed at regimented order until he had just a tiny little maniacal mustache left, but equal in length on each side from the center of his nose (schnozz in Yiddish).
Electing to maintain this atrocious order instead of growing a better, luxuriant, and more evolved mustache Hitler re-trimmed said affectation and social blunder in the same manner ever afterwards, calling it perfect. Of course, even though all of his Nazi sycophants told him he had a Homeric mustache you’ll notice not one of them copied his mustache, not even Herman Goering and he wore jodhpurs and a man-bra.
Hitler used to wear a lot of Aran sweaters, too, from Aran Island off the coast of Ireland, because he thought the Irish couldn’t spell Aryan correctly (a real smart Irish businesswoman told him that). Though -- back in real life -- Iran (the actual country),
meant even then as it does now: The Place of the Aryans. So, Hitler didn’t know what the hell he was talking about when he claimed that the Teutonic/Germanic tribes of ancient lore were Aryan -- he even got the swastika backwards, except when he accidentally wore his swastika-stamped underwear inside out, which Eva Braun mused was ”quite often, the silly little Nazi turnip.”
When Hitler finally committed suicide he had given up completely on evening-up his mustache on each side of his nose (schnozz in Yiddish) and was clean shaven.
In America we have something called a national pastime or baseball (Yank baseball is something like British cricket, except we have flies instead of crickets). There is an irrefutable law in baseball, a universal law, and it goes a lot like this: “Reich one! Reich two! Reich Three! Three Reich’s yer rout! No Fourth Reich, boys, not now, not ever.”
The above appeared within the pages/website of Murder Slim Press 2011: see Book Review of Garden of the Beasts by Erik Larson on this Weebly web site in Short Stories, Book Reviews, and Book Excerpts.
Kevin O'Kendley is the owner of Carbuncle Moon, and the author of all original material on the website (there has been a very limited editorial input in some of my work). Quoted sources are noted. I am responsible for all posts. Kevin O'Kendley: P.O. Box 172, Winterport, Maine, 04496/ and then my next address... email@example.com.
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