“Though, of course, there was that awful rumor that the bearded lady had lice, and all the schools, tanning parlors, and coffee shops within a fifty-mile radius were evacuated. A pet store was, uh, burned down by rioting Knuckleheads because it had a sign advertising the sale of Bearded Collies. The enflamed reactionaries thought that Bearded Collies were actually bearded women from Scotland, um, confusing bearded Colleens from Ireland with Bearded Collies from Scotland -- By-the-way, Scotland is an ancient country which is actually situated across the Irish Sea from Ireland and is connected to England by a land bridge that the Romans built called Adrian’s Walk. Thankfully, no dogs, uh, were injured in the pet store fire however several of the reactionaries suffered burns in the Genitalia area, which is also not in Scotland.”
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